Potty Time

It is good for me to know that I can switch on the computer so that I know where I am and what it is that I am doing at that moment. Sometimes I forget and think “What is this that I am doing?” and now I can look at the computer and I will know what it is that I am doing. I will be able to ring my friends and tell them – I am now involved in respiration, or I am now involved in copulation. If I can remember what the words mean. If not I might get it wrong and they will have a false impression of me and of what I am doing. I will also be able to say what it is that I will be doing in the future. It is like going to an old gypsy lady and saying what is in your ball. But these are things we shouldn't do because only the Lord can tell us what will be in the future. But now I know that I will be involved in adoration of the Lord on Sunday. Maybe the Lord is the person who runs the calendar and it is allowed. Yes. Thank you Lord for the computer telling me who I am and what I am doing.

The Alloted Hour

Hush.

There's knocking.

Something is at the window.

The pigeon with half a head.

Bash. Squidge. Bash. Squidge.

Only him.

Not them.

Squidge. Bash.

But.

I called.

The aether glowing screen pulsing.

In the dark.

Half a head.

They're coming.

Erinaceus.

Erinaceus.

Erinaceus.

Erinaceus.

Erinaceus.

Coming. Shuffling.

Chewing. They're chewing.

The door.

I called.

They said. Tick, tick, tick, tick, tock.

They will come.

I called.

Bash. Squidge.

Silent. It's silent.

They are here.

I can feel it. Cold. So cold.

The door! They are coming.

Crash.

Chomp.

Burp.

Eyegoogly

I done it good. It was animals. It's like in a zoo. I give em bones and that. They get noshing. Yum, yum, yum. In my tum. It was a tiger and a penguin and a dog and a cat and a something else. This is them:

I wanted a dinosaur but my mum said I couldn't, cos he'd win all the time. Who would win out of a penguin and a hamster. I think it would be hard. The hamster would go nibble nibble on the penguin's toes, and he might fall over and then roll around, but the penguin he might bash the little hamster with a fish and squash him. So I think it is hard.

I like this because it is good. I will have to feed the animals every day until I die. Or else they will die. That's what my mum's saying.

She's also saying don't scratch your botty. I have to scratch it cos I got flakes.

It shrivelled up and dropped off

Aah ... Is this on? No.

It is?

Oh.

Really?

So I put things in the little box? I see. Yes. Yes ...

I can't think of anything really.

Yes.

No.

Well. I thought I'd like to see what's what. Keep up with it. You know. You get to my age and it's all young people. And you don't want to be dead just yet. Even though you might as well be.

No I don't know. I was on that FacePaper once for a week. Mr Rathwell nagged me and nagged me for a course we were on. Do you know him? Very nice man. He's from Canada. No. Well I suppose it is quite a big country.

There was no-one there. They're all gone now. Except for Desmond and I didn't really want to talk to him. And Mr Rathwell obviously. But it was easier to email. I only looked at it twice.

Oh yes, I had a feed once but it got bunged up and started smelling. Then it shrivelled up and dropped off. Plus ca change.
Sometimes it's all a bit too much like the whatsits ... Jehovahs. When they come round and try to get you to join. I had them in one time. A lovely young couple. Very well-meaning and that. My word, they talked an awful lot of rubbish.

I had to ask one of them to empty my bag.

Ah dear. I don't get out much, but there's larks.

These sunny mornings, I wake up and I don't know if it's birds singing or trapped wind.